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Thursday, May 31, 2007
Completely Unrelated #1
I finally got around to listening to Muse's Black Holes and Revelations. Anyone else notice how much he sounds like Beck from Midnight Vulture on the song Supermassive Black Hole?
Listen here vs Beck here. (30 second clips from last.fm best I can do for now)
Listen here vs Beck here. (30 second clips from last.fm best I can do for now)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The Gamer vs "the game"
There's a friend of mine, never played any other MMO than WoW. To him - no other game ever need exist. He gets agitated when its ever even suggested he read anything about a new game, let alone try to play it. He does things like farm stacks of herbs for enjoyment. He's been in 4 different guilds of varying levels that have all met their doom and he's switched characters twice. He's had his account stolen and his items partially restored. Yet, he persists - he only has eyes for WoW. He may play a game 40 hours a week - but he's not a gamer. For him - there is only The Game.
It seems to be a persistent truth that there is always just that one game that every person who plays MMO's has found themselves completely enamored by. Its usually - but not always, the first game of the kind a person plays. For one person I know, it's Star Wars Galaxies. Another - Ultima Online. There is usually some tragic event - either done to the game by its developers or suffered by the player that gives them a brief window of reality and they find themselves released to move on.
For a brief while though, there is no other game. Consoles are ignored ,every other title is shelved. During this period you need no other lover. It's Christmas-time and you are 7 years old again, giddy with anticipation for the next time you can play. You've just been kissed for the first time and you are glowing.
Oh, but it is a drug. The crush can't last forever. It starts to betray you - with its timesinks, its people, or its new content - or the lack thereof. You start coming down. You realize you've been ignoring the rest of your life. You try to cut away briefly and realize you're latched in by a web spun by your own desire to get the most of The Game you loved. You have responsibility, people depending on you (or your class) to be there. Maybe you've even taken initiave and you're in a guild leadership position. Should you disappear, what would they do? Worse yet - the improvements you want for your character so desperately drop randomly. You could have been around on every other opportunity for months - yet your precious shiny piece of loot waits for the one time you miss. You don't dare stop playing.
Your brain registers this as unhealthy behavior. You start to get angry, but its misplaced. You don't hate The Game, you project it towards your guild, the developers, your real life friends pressuring you, or an abandoned significant other. Even yourself.
Eventually you get pushed so taut that it snaps. You wake up and suddenly you are no longer latched in. Maybe some of the commitment is gone. Maybe your account was stolen, hacked, banned and the decision was made easy for you. Possibly, it so negatively affected your time you could give to other important parts of being a contributing responsible adult that you were slapped awake. Maybe your guild disbanded, or you graduated college. Either way - if this is in conjunction with the release of The Next Big Thing, even easier - you are now allowed to move on.
Oh, but there is a period of every new game when you two find no fault with each other. This time, it is fleeting. You get comfortable sooner. As you move from world to world - you start to predict it. You aren't so mesmerized by the star on top of the Christmas tree anymore, and you stop leaving out the milk and cookies. You find yourself trying new titles more frequently, an ever loosening rabid death grip on the world you spend the most time in. You remember the consoles, you can still pick up a new book. There is again balance to your world, though it still may be a world predominantly populated by video games. You've transitioned from the all consuming Game and become a connoisseur - the gamer.
It seems to be a persistent truth that there is always just that one game that every person who plays MMO's has found themselves completely enamored by. Its usually - but not always, the first game of the kind a person plays. For one person I know, it's Star Wars Galaxies. Another - Ultima Online. There is usually some tragic event - either done to the game by its developers or suffered by the player that gives them a brief window of reality and they find themselves released to move on.
For a brief while though, there is no other game. Consoles are ignored ,every other title is shelved. During this period you need no other lover. It's Christmas-time and you are 7 years old again, giddy with anticipation for the next time you can play. You've just been kissed for the first time and you are glowing.
Oh, but it is a drug. The crush can't last forever. It starts to betray you - with its timesinks, its people, or its new content - or the lack thereof. You start coming down. You realize you've been ignoring the rest of your life. You try to cut away briefly and realize you're latched in by a web spun by your own desire to get the most of The Game you loved. You have responsibility, people depending on you (or your class) to be there. Maybe you've even taken initiave and you're in a guild leadership position. Should you disappear, what would they do? Worse yet - the improvements you want for your character so desperately drop randomly. You could have been around on every other opportunity for months - yet your precious shiny piece of loot waits for the one time you miss. You don't dare stop playing.
Your brain registers this as unhealthy behavior. You start to get angry, but its misplaced. You don't hate The Game, you project it towards your guild, the developers, your real life friends pressuring you, or an abandoned significant other. Even yourself.
Eventually you get pushed so taut that it snaps. You wake up and suddenly you are no longer latched in. Maybe some of the commitment is gone. Maybe your account was stolen, hacked, banned and the decision was made easy for you. Possibly, it so negatively affected your time you could give to other important parts of being a contributing responsible adult that you were slapped awake. Maybe your guild disbanded, or you graduated college. Either way - if this is in conjunction with the release of The Next Big Thing, even easier - you are now allowed to move on.
Oh, but there is a period of every new game when you two find no fault with each other. This time, it is fleeting. You get comfortable sooner. As you move from world to world - you start to predict it. You aren't so mesmerized by the star on top of the Christmas tree anymore, and you stop leaving out the milk and cookies. You find yourself trying new titles more frequently, an ever loosening rabid death grip on the world you spend the most time in. You remember the consoles, you can still pick up a new book. There is again balance to your world, though it still may be a world predominantly populated by video games. You've transitioned from the all consuming Game and become a connoisseur - the gamer.
Every motive escalate - Automotive incinerate
I'm a-learning the ins and out of the blogosphere one small piece at a time. Today, trackbacking. 8 billion years ago AFKgamer posed a list of 5 personal things about himself and asked people to ping him back with their own lists. I need content and more exposure to who I am doesnt hurt, so decades later I'm obliging. Foton is Here.
1. Grumpy Bear is my favorite carebear. Grumpy is the ultimate care-rebel. While the other bears are spreading cheer and love, Grumpy tells it how it is. As a childhood role model, Grumpy stands for the reality it ain't always going to be clovers and rainbows. Take that Tenderheart Bear.
2. My pets are named after prominent members of German history. The cat is named Otto, our dog - Rommel. I'm not a Nazi -just a fan of Bismarck's maneuvering during the unification of Prussia. And WW II tank campaigns, I suppose.
3. My favorite band has been the Beatles since I was 11 years old. In highschool, I briefly demurred for Jets to Brazil, a relatively unexposed Indie alternative band containing members of the more well known Jawbreaker. There still exists a faded JTB sticker (now an orange blob) on the back of my Saturn.
4. Deep Space Nine is my favorite star trek series. I was long a TNG hold out, but the prophets showed me the way of Sisko.
5. I know every single word to R.E.M's "It's the End of the World as We Know it(And I Feel Fine").
1. Grumpy Bear is my favorite carebear. Grumpy is the ultimate care-rebel. While the other bears are spreading cheer and love, Grumpy tells it how it is. As a childhood role model, Grumpy stands for the reality it ain't always going to be clovers and rainbows. Take that Tenderheart Bear.
2. My pets are named after prominent members of German history. The cat is named Otto, our dog - Rommel. I'm not a Nazi -just a fan of Bismarck's maneuvering during the unification of Prussia. And WW II tank campaigns, I suppose.
3. My favorite band has been the Beatles since I was 11 years old. In highschool, I briefly demurred for Jets to Brazil, a relatively unexposed Indie alternative band containing members of the more well known Jawbreaker. There still exists a faded JTB sticker (now an orange blob) on the back of my Saturn.
4. Deep Space Nine is my favorite star trek series. I was long a TNG hold out, but the prophets showed me the way of Sisko.
5. I know every single word to R.E.M's "It's the End of the World as We Know it(And I Feel Fine").
In other news...
The person featured as the subject of conversation here is playing on the first Lord of the Rings server I chose to roll on. I saw the name being vocal in general chat in a way that matched the personality known to that name, and made the mistake of asking if it was indeed her. She confirmed, and then there was the awkward conversation between two people who obviously dislike each other. Lesson : It's better not to ask.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Personal Contortion Through Anonymity
Its obvious that the shroud of anonymity, lack of real commitment and online disconnection allows people to act as some sort of extreme of themselves.
Is it that being online magnifies what all ready exists, or does the game itself create it? I'm sure it is both. It makes me want to turn some of this reflection internally. What facets of my personality are dredged up out of my psyche to run amuck without consquence with the internet as my facade?
Like others I'm sure, I sorta view an MMO community as a laboratory experiment on group personal interaction - one with far too many variables and no control. At least, this what I like to tell myself. I like to wax spectator instead of admitting I'm playing right along with it.
Really what it comes down to, despite my attempts at analyzation, is that...I like Drama. Fessed up, admitting. It's a soap opera, a romance novel with far too many plot threads. But I turn the pages, craving more.
So where is my pedestal above the flith when instead I'm actually just reveling in a tabloid? I think that just means I'm as covered in the mud as the rest of them. Ill exchange the gossip, and sometimes - I'll even encite it. And participate in it. All with the best interest of science in mind, I assure you!
I am no innocent.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Lessons in Management
There was a stint in my guild where I was an officer. By practice more than planned, I wound up as the go to person for tells and concerns. These screenshots are from probably almost a year and a half ago now, you can see the background of ZG and Onxyia in a couple of them.
Dealing with anger when someone was 20 minutes late, didn't get into a raid, and then bitched in guild chat about it.
The first 3 minutes after logging in, on my alt no less.
A guild nay Sayer predicting imminent doom gets angry I wasn't paying him enough attention.
Attempting to prevent a priest from leaving the guild. When I really shouldn't have.
Dealing with anger when someone was 20 minutes late, didn't get into a raid, and then bitched in guild chat about it.
The first 3 minutes after logging in, on my alt no less.
A guild nay Sayer predicting imminent doom gets angry I wasn't paying him enough attention.
Rumor Mill
So, there was a woman in our guild in her mid to late 40's whose hobby it was to try and e-romance the younger guys. She was pretty obvious about it and whoever her latest prospect was would get around to anything who payed attention. I offer the above as proof that no secret is safe on the internet.
This woman was also the leader of an in guild coalition who would stir up dissent every oppurtunity they got and thrived on being unhappy, even in success. If we were doing well and making steady progress, then we were being too arrogrant and hurting our server reputation. If progress slowed, leadership wasn't trying hard enough. She would make secret chat channels and invite others in to try and talk about Change. Once, she supported a priest coup that halted raiding and put the guild on life support when they all got angry because they felt too much blame was placed on them for tank death. I'm not saying maybe they didnt have some reason, the finger is usually pointed first at healers and its a thankless job - but there was defintely some slackage that could be improved. Basically, she was a hub of drama. I'm not sure she played the game for any other reason.
Her scheme was that she was super nice to people who were new or just recruited. I briefly was sucked into this until I was invited into one of their bitch fest channels. I simply couldn't take the whining eventually and left. After that, She and I never got along, and I'm willing to admit there was some female cat-yness to it at points, up until there was some massive guild reorganization and we no longer had to play together.
Warcraft : An Intro
I initially rolled on a server with IRL friends, as a paladin. See, when I left Everquest paladins were the shit at (group)tanking with dps, stuns, lay on hands, and even a rezz if all you had was a druid or shaman. This was part of the holy trinity of group making and would let me briefly try something other than healing. Noob mistake - thinking that role would transfer over to a new game. Oh, but how I was wrong. I decided to see it through and keep chugging out the levels with it. Eventually Blizzard decided to look into everyone's Nerf the Paladins cry and found out that Seal of the Crusader was acting like it shouldn't and making paladin dps higher than necessary. Nerfstick was shaken and I found myself suffering from picking the wrong class dissatisfaction. There was however some sweet moments seeing what I could main heal as a paladin -including the troll temple event in Zul Farrak (When it was ny impossible still!) I decided if I was going to have to heal anyways, why be gimp about it and started a priest.
Starting over put me a lil behind in the Great Race to 60 and on the server leveling curve. One of the RL people I sucked into playing Warcraft with me was current boyfriend (Oh, how the tables did turn) and I had to watch from his computer as his guild killed Onxyia for the first time ever when that was still damn novel. Meanwhile my priest did Scarlet Monastery.
Eventually, the couple of RL friends we were playing with burned out around April of 2005, after breaking into Molten Core. The boyfriend also managed to alienate his Guild and be run offt the server, to be chronicled in another post. We decided to take the couple of people we still knew playing and see about going Horde instead of Alliance elsewhere.
We finished leveling our horde characters on that server. The boyfriend who's actions as asshole made us move found himself in full time job land while I still dwelled in college-ville. I wanted to raid, he didn't. . So I continued on, as a druid. A druid who really only wanted to heal, to be forever shunned by my feral brothers and sisters who desperately wanted to fulfill their hybrid nature. We hooked up with an excellent group of people I've kept playing with until this day in some form or another, at the time our guild met consistent success up until drama wretched it apart about a month before expansion release.
A screenshot of my druid when leveling during that time brings us the above moment of tauren zen.
Everquest : A Foundation
I don't really have an elaborate decade long list of game experience that others have, but I'm learning. History lesson in the meanwhile before I provide actual worth reading content.
Like I said before, I started playing to hang out with my boyfriend. He and his buddies donated days of their lives weekly to playing Everquest. That year, the EQ convention was in my town. A friend of the BF's (they were in senior year of highschool) hooked up with his 35 year old guildmate and no one really blinked an eye. She was married to another member of the guild. He eventually drove several thousand miles to see her again. I was intrigued.
Soon he had me running around killing bugs in a field playing a non-vital class (hybrid DPS) I'm sure he chose for me because of the low fuck up value available to grouping with it. I managed to die and lose my corpse running pretty much anywhere for the first few weeks.
You ever notice how people who played Everquest have war stories? They usually start "Repair costs! hah! I remember spending 30 hours just retriving corpses in Plane of Fear (or was it Sky? hate?)..." I don't have any of those kind of stories. I didn't see any of N.ToV, didn't worry about dragon v giant faction,I never got my epic 1.0 and the only time I ever had been to Butcherblock was for the LDoN camp. The cap was 65 when I started playing, 70 when I left it.
I'm envious of those who did all the above, but I have to say that I'm glad I did get a chance to cut my teeth on EQ for just a lil bit before WoW softened the genre up forever. I did partake in raiding for the first time and found myself swallowed by massive syncronization and execution. It was even more impressive for the lack of voice chat, with sometimes 72 people involved..
It was here that my many hours as undesired DPS class (see: beastlord) trying to put together experience groups led me to choose to roll the healer. The guild I was in did PoP flagging and eventually stepped foot into the early elemental raiding, meanwhile other guilds were in Gates of Discord. I did however get to experience the first ever adrenaline rush of conquering content when we downed Rallos Zek for the first time as a guild. A Blade of War dropped and some neck piece that was promptly ninjaed. But! it was returned to the person who rightfully won it by enterprising GM's.
World of Warcraft went to open beta, I decided I wanted to be around in a game from the ground up, tried it out, and promptly moved on.
Like I said before, I started playing to hang out with my boyfriend. He and his buddies donated days of their lives weekly to playing Everquest. That year, the EQ convention was in my town. A friend of the BF's (they were in senior year of highschool) hooked up with his 35 year old guildmate and no one really blinked an eye. She was married to another member of the guild. He eventually drove several thousand miles to see her again. I was intrigued.
Soon he had me running around killing bugs in a field playing a non-vital class (hybrid DPS) I'm sure he chose for me because of the low fuck up value available to grouping with it. I managed to die and lose my corpse running pretty much anywhere for the first few weeks.
You ever notice how people who played Everquest have war stories? They usually start "Repair costs! hah! I remember spending 30 hours just retriving corpses in Plane of Fear (or was it Sky? hate?)..." I don't have any of those kind of stories. I didn't see any of N.ToV, didn't worry about dragon v giant faction,I never got my epic 1.0 and the only time I ever had been to Butcherblock was for the LDoN camp. The cap was 65 when I started playing, 70 when I left it.
I'm envious of those who did all the above, but I have to say that I'm glad I did get a chance to cut my teeth on EQ for just a lil bit before WoW softened the genre up forever. I did partake in raiding for the first time and found myself swallowed by massive syncronization and execution. It was even more impressive for the lack of voice chat, with sometimes 72 people involved..
It was here that my many hours as undesired DPS class (see: beastlord) trying to put together experience groups led me to choose to roll the healer. The guild I was in did PoP flagging and eventually stepped foot into the early elemental raiding, meanwhile other guilds were in Gates of Discord. I did however get to experience the first ever adrenaline rush of conquering content when we downed Rallos Zek for the first time as a guild. A Blade of War dropped and some neck piece that was promptly ninjaed. But! it was returned to the person who rightfully won it by enterprising GM's.
World of Warcraft went to open beta, I decided I wanted to be around in a game from the ground up, tried it out, and promptly moved on.
The Bitch Herself
I'm in college, the time when you should be establishing yourself as an adult, finding your character as an individual and setting the right course to success. Sounds like a good time to play video games to me!
Let's get this out in the open right now - there's a stereo-type that exists that girls can only play healers, and some say, actually make better healers. The thought being both that its easier to watch health bars then dps and that girls have a more nurturing nature. For a long time I resisted playing a healing class, maybe because I sub consciously didn't want to vilify the above. However enough time spent looking for a cleric/priest/druid /inserthealshere and enough groups broken for the lack of one convinced me otherwise. Easy solution to the looking for healer problem - be one yourself. This axiom has driven me game to game.
I'm female, I play healers, and I'm still in school. Next?
Let's get this out in the open right now - there's a stereo-type that exists that girls can only play healers, and some say, actually make better healers. The thought being both that its easier to watch health bars then dps and that girls have a more nurturing nature. For a long time I resisted playing a healing class, maybe because I sub consciously didn't want to vilify the above. However enough time spent looking for a cleric/priest/druid /inserthealshere and enough groups broken for the lack of one convinced me otherwise. Easy solution to the looking for healer problem - be one yourself. This axiom has driven me game to game.
I'm female, I play healers, and I'm still in school. Next?
The Beginning...
Hi. I've spent enough time reading other people's blogs and feeding other people links I decided to finally go at it on my own.
I like to play video games. Mario Brothers 3 is my favorite of all time. I moved into the MMO world as someone's girlfriend tag along. The boy is gone, but the games are still around. I enjoy the extra dimension that MMO's offer - the joy of individuals in tandem strategizing to reach a goal. Oh, and the sheer amusement value at being witness to the way people interact with the cloak of online anonymity. MMO's are a magnet for the weird and anti-social, while also being a breeding ground for the behavior in the otherwise average person.
Don't be fooled, I've had excellent times in online games, be it with friends I actually know (IRL!) and people whose faces I've never seen. Oh yes, I've been the girl that shrieks into your headset when we've finally downed the last boss. I've spent 30 hours a week raiding; and I've gone months without playing an MMO at all. In the end, I'm just a tourist - enjoying the games, and observing the people.
I like to play video games. Mario Brothers 3 is my favorite of all time. I moved into the MMO world as someone's girlfriend tag along. The boy is gone, but the games are still around. I enjoy the extra dimension that MMO's offer - the joy of individuals in tandem strategizing to reach a goal. Oh, and the sheer amusement value at being witness to the way people interact with the cloak of online anonymity. MMO's are a magnet for the weird and anti-social, while also being a breeding ground for the behavior in the otherwise average person.
Don't be fooled, I've had excellent times in online games, be it with friends I actually know (IRL!) and people whose faces I've never seen. Oh yes, I've been the girl that shrieks into your headset when we've finally downed the last boss. I've spent 30 hours a week raiding; and I've gone months without playing an MMO at all. In the end, I'm just a tourist - enjoying the games, and observing the people.
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